“I’ve perfected all modalities of transaction”
Oh, November. What I bumper crop of,
Ups!
Downs....
0.. Arounds..0
and not in the least amazing business opportunities.
Yes, you may not believe it, but since Oct 30th I have recieved 21 different email solicitations from 21 different personas to be part of an “absolutely risk free” financial transaction in which I help discretely transfer anywhere from 1.85 to 27.6 million dollars from what seems to be a very astute and trustworthy financial promissory in Muaritania/China/Ghana/South Africa/UAE.
There is a technical term for doing this with money - I know it, tip of my tongue -having to do with washing. rhymes with “pondering”…
but anyway, details.
...
What happened in November for me to get 21 of these things when they usual trickle at two a year? maybe the election? the Rapture? a massive failure of my email SPAM blocker? I’m asking questions here, people. Questions. But do not be deceived, because I've got some Andy Rooney going on -- the questions are rhetorical and a gesture of polite consideration at best. I have my own answers well-at-hand and already, before you or I were born, even.
...
Or do I? I don’t know, I really don’t know anymore. To be honest, these solicitations have really thrown me for a loop. I'm reconsidering Things. I'm thinking about my actions or lack thereof.
I mean, maybe it is true what Barrister John Ugo, of John Ugo & Associates of Lagos says about trying to reach the next of kin of the European fellow that died in the car crash in ’92 and left a pile of money, only to find no one. ((no one but little ole me))-- who apparently just happens to have the same last name as the deceased, wealthy European.
Thing is, Barrister Lagos “looks forward to hearing from me soonest” since he assures me I am the only person he has contacted about the matter. And? Two weeks have passed, a full fortnight, I’ve have yet to responded...
I have to admit, it’s been a hard month for me. I guess I’m depressed. and I’ve been travelling a lot. I mean, I have no other excuse for not jumping at this chance. Princess Cecilia Eisen, by chance of Lagos as well, also wrote to me. She opened her message, “Good Day and Compliments of the Season.” Of the season! it’s true, I have a weakness for season (but how did she know??)
Again, I feel lousy. For Princess impressed upon me that the 4.35 million dollars if not transferred immediately (out of Nigeria and into my account and of which I would be kindly renumerated 30% of that amount so stated) would then instead "be automatically remitted to the trust funds for arms & ammunition TO FURTHER ENHANCE THE COURSE OF WAR IN THE WORLD.”
Jeez-Louise. what am I doing. I feel like I’m chewing glass here. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm a lout. A lay-a-bout miserable with opportunity, with the ability to help a dying man in Pretoria, Mazulu Amed, give his wealth to an orphanage in Bulgaria, or stop the Course of War in the World, and all I can do is think about Myself.
Or get lost in myself...or them. I mean who are all these people with all this cash-money that doesn't exist. who am I given that? Has anyone actually even seen me in two weeks? Have I really been travelling? Why don't I recognize any of these clothes I'm wearing? More to the point, where is my 14.7 million dollars? Ms. Pilot Kathleen Melissa of the U.A.E. if you are reading this, please, could you email again about our transaction?
Ups!
Downs....
0.. Arounds..0
and not in the least amazing business opportunities.
Yes, you may not believe it, but since Oct 30th I have recieved 21 different email solicitations from 21 different personas to be part of an “absolutely risk free” financial transaction in which I help discretely transfer anywhere from 1.85 to 27.6 million dollars from what seems to be a very astute and trustworthy financial promissory in Muaritania/China/Ghana/South Africa/UAE.
There is a technical term for doing this with money - I know it, tip of my tongue -having to do with washing. rhymes with “pondering”…
but anyway, details.
...
What happened in November for me to get 21 of these things when they usual trickle at two a year? maybe the election? the Rapture? a massive failure of my email SPAM blocker? I’m asking questions here, people. Questions. But do not be deceived, because I've got some Andy Rooney going on -- the questions are rhetorical and a gesture of polite consideration at best. I have my own answers well-at-hand and already, before you or I were born, even.
...
Or do I? I don’t know, I really don’t know anymore. To be honest, these solicitations have really thrown me for a loop. I'm reconsidering Things. I'm thinking about my actions or lack thereof.
I mean, maybe it is true what Barrister John Ugo, of John Ugo & Associates of Lagos says about trying to reach the next of kin of the European fellow that died in the car crash in ’92 and left a pile of money, only to find no one. ((no one but little ole me))-- who apparently just happens to have the same last name as the deceased, wealthy European.
Thing is, Barrister Lagos “looks forward to hearing from me soonest” since he assures me I am the only person he has contacted about the matter. And? Two weeks have passed, a full fortnight, I’ve have yet to responded...
I have to admit, it’s been a hard month for me. I guess I’m depressed. and I’ve been travelling a lot. I mean, I have no other excuse for not jumping at this chance. Princess Cecilia Eisen, by chance of Lagos as well, also wrote to me. She opened her message, “Good Day and Compliments of the Season.” Of the season! it’s true, I have a weakness for season (but how did she know??)
Again, I feel lousy. For Princess impressed upon me that the 4.35 million dollars if not transferred immediately (out of Nigeria and into my account and of which I would be kindly renumerated 30% of that amount so stated) would then instead "be automatically remitted to the trust funds for arms & ammunition TO FURTHER ENHANCE THE COURSE OF WAR IN THE WORLD.”
Jeez-Louise. what am I doing. I feel like I’m chewing glass here. Sometimes I really wonder if I'm a lout. A lay-a-bout miserable with opportunity, with the ability to help a dying man in Pretoria, Mazulu Amed, give his wealth to an orphanage in Bulgaria, or stop the Course of War in the World, and all I can do is think about Myself.
Or get lost in myself...or them. I mean who are all these people with all this cash-money that doesn't exist. who am I given that? Has anyone actually even seen me in two weeks? Have I really been travelling? Why don't I recognize any of these clothes I'm wearing? More to the point, where is my 14.7 million dollars? Ms. Pilot Kathleen Melissa of the U.A.E. if you are reading this, please, could you email again about our transaction?
posted by andrew s.yang at Tuesday, November 30, 2004
2 Comments:
Well, if you get bored enough, you could actually write back to these people and draw them along. That's what this bloke did--
http://www.thespamletters.com/search.php?search=Nigerian
there used to be a series of even funnier ones where the guy makes the scam artist call him by his "code name" (luv muffin or some such craziness).
I have a close friend who theorizes that Bush is trying to create the Rapture, so your equating the Election with it might not be too far off the mark. But in the event of rapture, my car will be quite wo-manned.
Thanks for the link. yes, I 've heard about people stringing these scammers along into their own counter-scams. it's amazing. Even more though, is the thought of the Rapture-Bush link. In other times I might consider the claim conspiratorial, but even NPR has had mention of the Evangelicals pushing Bush to make certain Middle East policy decisions in line with Apocalyptic hopes. If it wasn't so scary, it'd be funny.
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