Ecto-parasites, Almond Joy, and Henry Moore

The academic job search is an awkward creature. Legs longer than they are short, fur a little tufty, and eyes kinda wandering. but compelling for all those reasons.

As someone who is currently on this search for the perfect kind of job, or really even for one that seems to offer a reasonable and right livelihood, I forage. Besides putting my ear to the wall, I also rummage through various internet sites. I track through the woods of hyperlinks for a fat winter rabbit. I liken the job lists to ciphered Kabbalistic code just waiting to be cracked, hollows opened, the secrets of happy employment encrypted suchly.

One source around which I’ve formed a nicotinish habit is the Chronicle of Higher Education. The ads sometimes have the aura of a Personals posting in being a mixture of overly specific and terribly vague, with a real sense of expectation hanging there uncomfortably. Even though it is the NY Times of the higher-ed world, it still finds its way towards an honesty subversive and critical enough to provide the kind of skinny you need to understand life in the hard, seemingly La-Tee-Da, world of “the Academy.”

I appreciate the first person columns written by people under the protection of pseudonyms telling of the vagaries of academic life, especially so the diary columns written by current job seekers that chronicle the Byzantine process of trying to get a decent teaching gig.

I actually submitted an entry early last fall to see if they’d pay me the $500 dollars per column to tell of my job search. That didn’t happen, but I recently re-read the piece I’d written, the following question posed:

Had I at times been complacent towards carefully examining my own professional goals and interests? Probably so. Had I been exceptionally complacent? Probably not. Given the course of graduate training, I think I fall in the range of “predictably naïve."

Can't say for sure if anything has changed since then. you know, Qualitatively. but I would trade my new found self-awareness for a position right about now (attn: Dr. Bartha at UBC, if you are reading this...)

In the meantime, I come across some pretty interesting job openings and imagine other possibilities my Dopplegangers may be pursuing. Here is an intriguing sample three that, given the necessary skills, I’d give a try.
why not? anything for the sake of Science, I say; anything anything say-I-said, Knowledge Be Sublime...

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Virginia Commonwealth University
JOINT FACULTY POSITION
Departments of Sculpture and Mechanical Engineering

The Sculpture Department and the Mechanical Engineering Department at Virginia Commonwealth University are seeking a dynamic and energetic faculty member for a shared tenure-track faculty position. Applicants must possess either an MFA or equivalent in Sculpture (or a closely related discipline) or a Ph.D. in Mechanical Engineering (or a closely related discipline). The candidate will teach in both programs and should be conversant in contemporary art and mechanical engineering and posses a significant record of achievement in their respective field. Particularly attractive is experience that demonstrates an ability to initiate interdisciplinary research and educational synergies among diverse areas.

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Georgia Southern University
Job Title: Curator of the United States National Tick Collection
Job Number: 507597
Date Posted: 11/15/2004

Curator of the United States National Tick Collection
The Institute of Arthropology and Parasitology, Georgia Southern University, invites applications and nominations for the position of Curator of the United States National Tick Collection (USNTC). It is the largest tick collection in the word, with over 123,500 tick collections housed in the Institute. This is a twelve month, senior research position.. Candidates must have knowledge of systematics, research experience with ticks, and computer skills.

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Job Description:

Masterfoods USA, a division of Mars, Incorporated, a well respected market leader in the Snackfood, Petcare and Food industries with leading brands such as, M&M'S®, SNICKERS®, MILKY WAY®, SKITTLES®, PEDIGREE®, WHISKAS® and UNCLE BEN'S®, is currently seeking:

Applicants for a two-year post-doctoral position within R&D. Applicants must have a doctoral degree in analytical biochemistry, medicinal chemistry, or a related field, with research experience specifically in the area of phytonutrients and functional foods. Applicants for this position would be required to have a working knowledge of the basic principles of chromatography, including, but not limited to, HPLC and GC, combined with a working understanding of various analytical detectors including electrochemical, fluorescence, diode array, and mass spectrometry. In addition to a strong analytical background with hands-on experience in method development, the successful candidate must also love candybars and easycook rice. OK, I added that last line.



feel the Learning, people. Feel it.